Strategies to help your child start talking (part one)

Finally posting this now.  I wrote it back in January but never posted the final draft**

Hope everyone had a great new year.  Happy 2014!!! I have had a few people come to me with questions from my previous post, which will hopefully be answered in this section.  Please feel free to leave comments below, because I'm sure there are plenty of other moms out there wondering the same thing.  You can always post anonymously if you feel more comfortable doing it that way.  I'm trying to simplify my long introductions so let's get started, shall we? This is a continuation of last weeks post "what if my child isn't talking: should I be concerned?"

"Strategies to help your child start talking"  

Brief overview

My previous post focused on determining your child's current language development. This topic will be broken into two posts.  Both will focus on strategies to help your child start talking, and encourage further language development.  If you haven't had a chance to read through last weeks post, it would be a good idea to look it over before reading this post.  These strategies are beneficial for children on all ends of the language development scale, so even if your child's language seems to be right there with his/her peers these tips will still help encourage further language development.  These are basic strategies that every parent can easily implement into their daily lives, so don't worry there is no creativity or super mom gene required! 

1. Allow your child the opportunity to communicate

If you were going to pick only one of these strategies to focus on this one would be it! Pretty much every mom out there is guilty of this (myself included)...  Starting out as a newborn moms get pretty darn good at anticipating their child's need.   As moms, we get use to reading our child's different cues and can pretty much tell you right away if they are hungry, tired, thirsty, or need a diaper change.  Often we get so good at anticipating these needs day after day, that we can fulfill them before a single cry erupts out of our child's precious mouth. Now, that is talent! I like to call this the "mom telepathy gene." This is the closest we will ever come to reading minds.  Unfortunately a good portion of dad's do not have this special gene passed on to them, which is why any time the baby starts crying it's straight to mom "what's wrong with him/her?"  Although this can be a huge blessing, and it allows us to meet our child's needs with ease, once the child grows out of infancy this talent can become slightly problematic.  

Let me give you an example of why this is.  If you went to a foreign country knowing very little to possibly none of the language spoken there, yet every person you met was able to give you exactly what you wanted without you having to speak a single word... How much motivation would you have to actually learn the language?  It is exactly the same for babies.  At first a newborn  communicates through crying, although this is sometimes challenging because crying doesn't come in set languages, this is the child's way of telling you they need something. Put simply, communication is a way to express needs.  Later on it becomes so much more, a way to show you something, describe something, a way to socialize, express love and affirmation etc. But initially, just like a traveler visiting a foreign country communication is 100% based on needs.  So,  if you take away that need... well quite often there goes the child's motivation as well.

Now, I'm definitely not saying if your child is looking hungry or thirsty to not feed them.  No child neglect here people.  What I am suggesting is to have your child work a little harder for it.  Instead of whipping out that sandwich or yogurt when it hits lunch time, give your child the opportunity to express their need.  If they are starting to look hungry you might either wait for them to come to you (for example they might come up to you and pull on your pants to get your attention, or point at the refrigerator), or if you are seeing the "I'm hungry" cue, you might ask them.. "what do you need?"  Look at them with a puzzled look on your face like you aren't sure what they are wanting.  You might say things like "hmmm I'm not sure what you need.  What do you need?" If this is getting you no where you could say "Can you show me what you need?" Keep at it because you most often aren't going to get a response right away (verbal or non verbal).  If the child takes your hand and leads you to the kitchen (or fridge), you might get down on their level and say "oh, you're hungry! hungry.  Are you hungry? Can you say hungry?" With a surprised look on your face. Try to stress the word hungry (or food, or drink, whatever it is you want to use), because this is the word you want them to communicate.  Then hopefully your child will nod their head, or even say the word "hungry", which deserves lots and lots of praise (eg "yes, hungry!  You're hungry.  Thanks for telling mommy you are hungry").  Yes, I know it feels like over kill, but trust me the more times you can emphasize hungry, the better!  If this feels unnatural for you maybe try scripting out different scenarios in your mind and the dialogue you would use.  The most important thing is you want to focus on the word that will fulfill that particular need.  Which leads us to #2.

2. First words should be based around needs

Now this isn't to say you shouldn't teach all of those other wonderful words such as hi, bye, thank you, please etc.  Don't worry, just because you are teaching words to express needs doesn't mean your child is going to be a tyrant running around shouting orders.  By teaching words focused around needs, you are going to eliminate a lot of frustration both from you and your child, and you are also going to be helping to reinforce communication (which is the primary goal).  The great thing about teaching needs is the child will pretty much always be reinforced with the end result.  If they say "hungry" well it is highly likely you are going to give them food.  This means they will start to realize that, hey if I say this word something happens, which is going to increase their motivation to communicate.  Think of some of the main needs you child has.  Here are some examples of words you might start off teaching your child: 

• Hungry
• Thirsty or drink
• Diaper/nappy 
• Ouchy
• Bath
• Play
• Sleep or tired
• Help 
• Up, down  
• More
• All done or finished                    

All of these words are based on needs.  It is best to keep the words simple and general.  Rather than starting off teaching  specific words like "cracker" or "cheese", "hungry" is more likely a better option because chances are you will be feeding your child more than just crackers and cheese.  This allows them to express the underlying need without getting too specific.  If they say "drink" you can always go from there and ask if they want milk or juice etc. "Up" and "down" is a great word to teach your child to eliminate having your pants yanked down every time your child wants to be picked up. "Help" is probably my favorite word of all.  You would be amazed at how many needs this covers, and how much frustration will be eliminated.  This is a word my husband and I worked tirelessly on with Ella, and it has finally payed off.  If your child needs help going up the stairs, opening a bottle, sitting on a chair, reaching a toy... the word "help" can be an absolute dream come true in comparison to the whining and/or tantrums!  At first Ella would get really frustrated if she couldn't do something, like open a container, she would start to get really frustrated and I would ask "Ella what's wrong?  What do you need? Do you need help? Can you say help? help.  Say help."  Some parents may give the occasional confused look like aren't you going to help your child, I mean clearly she is frustrated and needs help, the point is I wanted her to communicate that need to me.
"More" is probably my second favorite word, because it also covers a lot of bases.  "More" can mean more food, more drink, more swinging, more music, more tickles etc. Now that Ella has "more" down pact, we are replacing it with more please, or just please so it sounds a little nicer.

3."Sabotage the environment"

Sabotage the environment is a term speech pathologists use, and normally I try to avoid being too jargony, but it's fun to say and makes you feel rather mischievous, so I couldn't resist.  This is where your whole "make them work for it" comes in... and as I said you get to be rather mischievous and clever at the same time.  Set up situations that will allow your child the opportunity to communicate and express their needs.  Here are a few examples:  

• Set your child's favorite toy out of reach (on a table or shelf etc), so they have to communicate their need (ie the name of the toy, "up", or "help")
• Twist the lid of a container on really tight so they need help opening it (eg bubbles, or you can put a toy or treat inside a jar and screw the lid on tight, or the latch to a toy box that they need help opening).  Wait for them to communicate their need (ie "help", or "open")
• Put their favorite treat or water bottle on the table out of reach, and wait for them to express their need (ie "hungry", "thirsty") 
• Fill up the bath, but leave out the bath toys (ie "toys" or "play")
• Fill up the bath tub and wait for them to say "up" or "bath" before putting them in.  Or put them in the bath tub and wait for them to ask for the water
• Play with the child's toy in front of them without sharing.  Look confused when they try to come play with the toys.  Ask them "what do you need?" and then wait for them to say "play" or "toys"
• Eat a snack in front of them without offering, and wait for them to communicate their need ("hungry")
• Play a repetitive activity (eg tickle them, chase them, push them on the swing, roll a ball, play peek a boo, blow bubbles) then stop abruptly and look at them with raised eyebrows (as if to say, what now?) and then wait for them to say "more"     

Remember to look confused as if you aren't sure what they need.  Ask questions like "what do you need?" etc. Now, there is a very fine line between encouraging and discouraging.  You are looking for your child to reach a slight level of frustration, but not to the point where they throw a tantrum or stop trying altogether... That would be counter productive.  What level of frustration you aim for will depend on your child's tolerance level.  For children that are not very motivated,  and more on the relaxed side may need a little more pushing.  Children that get easily frustrated or discouraged you may want to ease up a bit, and go easy on them.  You will need to gauge this as you go.  Generally speaking I would try to push no more than 3-4 times, before giving in and fulfilling their need (eg giving them the toy).  Here is the key, try to keep it positive, light hearted, and praise them frequently for any attempts.  If you get a non verbal response (ie a gesture- your child points to the water bottle on the table), you may call that a win and give it to them, or  you may decide to push a little further and try to get them to say the desired word.  If you decide to stop at the non verbal response then still make sure to provide the language for them (eg. "oh you are thirsty.  Thirsty. You needed a drink.  Here you go. Thank you for letting mommy know you are thirsty").  

That's all the tips for today.  Keep your eyes open for opportunities to "sabotage the environment" and teach your child words to get their needs met, and most importantly try to sit back and wait before anticipating your child's every need. Stay tuned for next weeks post covering 3 more strategies to help your child start talking, and encourage language development.  Make sure to check out previous posts for activities and tips to expand your child's language development.  

• Jello fun activity 
• Sensory box activity 
• Digging for dinosaurs activity 

Thanks for reading!  I would love to hear how you have implemented some of these strategies in your home.  :)

X Lisa, your SLP go to mom